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Life Lessons from The Sandlot

November 23, 2016 by Michelle Rheaume Leave a Comment

Life Lessons from The Sandlot

“You’re killing me, Smalls”, is one of the most repeated quotes in our house from the great movie The Sandlot. If you haven’t seen this movie yet, its a ‘must see’ for anyone interested in youth sports. The movie documents many life lessons that are getting lost in youth sports today.

For those who are not familiar with the reference, Smalls is a pre-teen boy who recently moves into a neighborhood in southern California. He is an only child that was never taught how to play baseball and a new step-father that loves baseball but hasn’t had the time to teach him. Nevertheless, he is invited play sandlot baseball with the other boys because they need one more.

The quote is rememberable because it highlights the frustration we all experience when playing with someone who doesn’t know the rules or expectations. In the movie, Smalls doesn’t have the experience or social context, much less ability, the other boys seem to know intuitively.

Love of the game

life sessons from the sandlot — A real sand lot for life lessons.

I love this movie for many reasons, but the one that stands out the most is they play for the love of the game. The kids come together everyday in the summer and just played the game. They didn’t keep track of the score or who had the most hits. They played for fun and to get better at the game. The boys unanimously agreed on who was the greatest player of all time, Babe Ruth. They all played their hearts out trying to be just like the “Great Bambino”, although acutely aware of their individual limitations. Kids need spend a lot more time just getting out there and playing for fun. Don’t worry about the score or who hit the farthest ball. Just go out there with a bunch of friends and play the game.

Connections

In the movie there was little they did besides baseball. Although, occasionally they went to the pool for a swim. And we all know how that ended! I love that my kids can pick up a ball and bat and just go out there and play. It might not be with the neighbors, or at our local field but they find a way and get to play the game.

One of my favorite summertime memories is during an organized baseball game for my son. All the siblings of various ages and genders, get together and play their own game on the playground next to the baseball field. If there isn’t a field available they find a way to improvise the game. They gathered at the playscape with a tennis ball, a few mitts and a bat. They agreed to use the slide as first, swing as second and if it goes over the monkey bars its a home run! This is creativity shows their love for the game. They want to play anywhere and anytime.

However, now that I’m older I realize the real value is the social connections the kids build. They are building memories that will aspire to recreate in everything they do the rest of their life.

Life Lessons

This interaction teaches them:

how to communicate with peers;
compromise to solve problems;
keep focused on a common goal, and;
support and encourage teammates.

All because even kids know, you can’t win alone. Therefore, becomes a naturally supportive and collaborative environment. Moreover, they are learning and practicing these skills just because they were encouraged and allowed to ‘just play’. The irony is the families were together at the same park because of an organized baseball game.

I think most of us would watch the kids playing on the side game with a warm smile. The pure joy, passion and laughter of an impromptu game is easy to enjoy. Everyone enjoys watching people, at any age, have fun because the fun it is contagious.

Although, “You’r killing me Smalls”, suggests frustration with a ‘newbie’. The movie uses the line as a relatable trigger point to highlight a decision made by the hero, Benny. He happens to be the best baseball player in the neighborhood. His response, as a leader, it to teach the less skilled.

Yet, many of the same people will turn 180 degrees toward the organized game. It seems perspectives change when they see full equipment, uniforms, coaches, umpires and chalked lines. All of a sudden, the stakes are higher, the anxiety is greater and we forget it is just a game. Moreover, the lessons inferred by kids in this environment seem to be focused only on performance and results. Support and collaboration seem to be lost as the competition matures. However, any adult that has been part of a high performing organization understands that support and collaboration on any team are key drivers of success.

Be the Change

Play My Kid was created to shift the focus of youth coaches to ensure sports are fun, creative, supportive and collaborative. Parents really just want to see their kids play with others. The most successful, respected and admired people in our world, regardless of ability, are engaged, friendly, happy, kind and helpful. Clearly, it is very difficult to practice those skills while sitting on the sidelines.

Focus – The Key to Teaching New Skills

October 4, 2016 by Kurt Leave a Comment

Focus – Teaching New Skills

Coaches need to teach with focus. They need to model that behavior for parents to avoid overloading kids with too much information. Coaches and parents that are constantly feeding young players directions like, “faster”, “keep you eye on the ball” and “be ready”, all at the same time usually have an overall negative effect.

Coaches that do this during competition is one thing, but behavior like this is during practice is not productive. Trust me, I’ve learned the hard way. It doesn’t help because it doesn’t allow the kids to focus on improvement.

We are going to walk through the steps every coach should follow to teach new skills with focus.

From the first day of practice, coaches focus on classifying players based on their relative skill level. While that is a perfectly reasonable and effective first step, the real skill in coaching is how you respond to that evaluation.

Early in my coaching experience, I was eager to share all the techniques and skills I had learned over the years. I felt like I was going to burst at the seems with all the great knowledge. It was exactly what I thought I was missing when I was a kid. I had so much to offer.

What I failed to realize is most young players are just trying to understand the game. They were not ready or even interested in all the insight I had. Many were overwhelmed by the situation. They were dealing with so many other new experiences; new kids as teammates; other parents ‘cheering’ on those other kids; new coaches they didn’t know if they should trust; and other factors.

I quickly learned that kids don’t and can’t respond to overload. I needed to focus on one skill at a time. Therefore, I started at the beginning, focus on teaching the foundational skills first using the following process with each skill.

Step 1 – Baseline

Before the teaching began, it is effective if you use a common drill or game that can measure that skill. A simple example in basketball is shooting free throws.

Have each player shoot 10 free throws and record the score before you do any instruction to improve that skill. Coaches ,or players, should record how many each player made. This will serve as a baseline for progress they will make eventually.

Step 2 – Teach Skills with Focus

Remember, kids are still learning the game. By virtue of their physical and mental maturity, they don’t know how little they know about swinging a bat, throwing a ball, shooting a basketball or even running. Moreover, we are all still learning about the biomechanics and performance. Therefore, you can’t teach a new skill by describing it in one long monologue, don’t try it. It won’t be effective because the kids get distracted and stop listening.

Coaches need to show some patience. Dedicate time to teach one skill at a time. Allocate practice time to walk through the mechanics with enough detail for them to understand the purpose. It would be great if they could watch someone modeling the motion and understand what repeated success looks like.
Naturally, they still need to mimic the same motion, slower and more deliberately. Remind the kids, they are unlikely to have the same success initially. Your job as a youth coach is to make sure players are focused on earning success and not get discouraged.

Step 3 – Practice Skills

Once players have a reasonable understanding of the skill, they need repetitions. That is when coaches need to create the opportunity to repeat that skill as many times as possible but much closer to “real time”. The goal at this point is to provide more opportunities for trial and error. Players will learn how to adjust their positioning and adjust their movement, but you have to encourage that testing with focus on one skill.

Coaches only need to monitor, looking for success including correctness and alignment to the skill taught. When you see struggles or frustration, get them to think about how to fix it.

Again, you need to be clear to players, they will not dramatically improve in just five minutes of practice. We need to encourage hours of practice with focus.

Step 4 – Connect the Skills

The last step is the fun part. We need to put players in natural, game like, scenarios that allow them to connect the skill to the overall game. These opportunities should be just a natural part of the game. However, now you can alter the rules or scoring to highlight the successes in the skill you just taught. For example, if you just practiced on passing in basketball, you can make perfect passes worth points when they are successful and are executed perfectly (or as close to ‘perfect’ you can expect).

Summary

In the same way, coaches need to provide focus when teaching skills. We, at Play My Kid, are not going to be able to give you everything to know about keeping parents happy and you should not be looking for a silver bullet.

Just like when you are teaching your players to be better players, it is your responsibility to make sure parents let their kids enjoy and learn how to play. Yes! I said, “let” their kids enjoy and learn how to play.

Who’s Sitting the Bench today?

September 11, 2016 by Michelle Rheaume 1 Comment

Objective evaluation of performance

How do you make your line up? Most coaches anticipate who can contribute to the team based on their talent. Then they eliminate the one kid who couldn’t hit the ball today at practice. Then you think about the player who kept talking and wasn’t paying attention during the 30 minutes of infield drills, and tell yourself, “She is obviously sitting on the bench, she didn’t work as hard as the others.” Is this really how coaches should decide who “earns” more playing time than the others? Reputation and anecdotal behavior? I don’t think it should be this way in youth sports at all. It’s extremely selfish and shortsighted.

Let me be clear, I was guilty of this on a regular basis early in my coaching career. It’s very difficult for coaches who want to be competitive all the time to keep things in perspective. Are you coaching for wins or looking to make these kids better athletes?

Parent goals

My softball coaching career started, right out of high school. I told myself I wasn’t going to be “that coach”. Yet, I fell into a rut the first season and put the same kids at the same positions, and kept the same order in the lineup. Of course that meant the same couple of girls had to be the substitutes. As I neared the end of the season, I realized I had fallen into this pattern. The pattern I told myself I wasn’t going to repeat. I had turned into “one of those coaches”.

Immediately, I decided to switch it up the last few games, and boy did I hear about it. Most of it was just from a few dads, they were upset that their daughter didn’t play the whole game. “How could you take her out? She’s your best hitter.”

I simply agreed, “Yes, your daughter has had a great season, and a lot of playing time. Now it’s time for another girl to get her chance”.

I wanted to yell, and argue with him. Where would that have gotten us? It would have embarrassed him, his daughter, me and the entire program. I needed him to see what I saw. There were other players on the team who could contribute, and I needed to give them a chance.

That was practically 20 years ago and it taught me a lot, not about the game, but how to deal with parents. (And that you can’t please them all, or can you?)

Bigger goals

How you decide to make your line up is the managers choice. There are a lot of things to consider, you want the athletes to perform well and be successful. You want these kids to go out with their heads held high and confident that they can make the play, hit the ball or pitch an inning. We stress so much about winning the game, is it the result that’s the most important? Does that really measure how good we are as a team? If the same kids sit the bench, and don’t get to play more than one or two innings then what are we teaching them? Why aren’t they getting a chance to play like the others? Isn’t it still just a game?

Coaches have to remember that this is a learning experience. If we want them to succeed, we have to give them opportunities to learn. If the same player strikes out at every at bat they could get discouraged. While it might happen, it means coaches need to work a little harder on those skills at practice.

Mistakes can be a good thing sometimes, as long as we can learn from them!

We have to get out of the mind set that errors force coaches to take them out of the game. Instead of doing that, let’s keep them in and encourage them to try again. Mistakes can be a good thing sometimes, as long as we can learn from them!

Good Teammates

Sitting the bench should be something that every teammate has a chance to do. It shouldn’t be looked at like its a punishment, it’s part of being on a team with multiple players. Everyone has a turn to play and a turn to sit.

So how and when do you explain that to the parents? If you start off the season with a team meeting this is a great place to start, informing the parents of your playing time rules. How you will handle playing time and your beliefs. Being upfront with your parents will start the season off on the right foot, keeping your word and following through the whole season will end on a high note! Sometimes you really have to think as you are making up the line up, are you coaching to win? Or are you coaching to produce better athletes?

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The Right Team

August 28, 2016 by Kurt 1 Comment

Every year parents and players have to make choices. Choices about which program to join; coaches to seek out; even which sports to play. There are so many sports, clubs and school groups there is no way to do them all.

The competition for participants and specialization have forced organizers to get commitments sooner and sooner in the annual cycle. In some cases kids are forced to make a year round commitments that impact, if not eliminate, other activities.

Over the years, we have been faced with this challenge with our own kids. We’ve even commiserated with friends about the pros and cons of each choice. Usually we distill the hours of pondering, prognostication and prediction down to a choice between “competitive” option versus a “developmental” option.

“Competitive” options seem to imply a program focused on winning as many games as possible and no guarantee of equal playing time. They schedule game after game and have relatively few practices (if any). The translation, simply making the team proves you are talented.

“Developmental” options seem to imply a program that enforces equality of playing time, regardless of talent. They schedule fewer games and work with kids on skill development in practices. The implication is that everyone will make the team and talented players won’t be pushed enough to develop further.

When parents find themselves debating between one of the two choices, is usually a false dilemma. In reality neither option is a good fit. You are trying to identify which values, competition or development, you are willing to compromise. Although many choose the competitive route because of the prestige implied in the talent level.

The ideal scenario that includes both the right level of competition and player development may be extremely rare. So, how can you as a coach transcend the dichotomy and become an all-star coach?

If coaches keep parents focused on the things that really matter in youth sports, you will be the right coach and right team. They will know you and your team is the best youth sports experience for them if you show you are committed to the following three things:

1. Instruction

The right team needs to include instruction. Youth players need guidance on proper technique. They need to build the proper mechanics, speed, strength and coordination to make sure they don’t injury themselves or create other issues due to repetitive stress. They need a solid understanding and good feel for the motor skills and strength conditioning required in every sport they play.

Similarly they need to understand the strategies of the sport. This typically means preset offensive and defensive plays that require team work and following directions. Some programs appear successful by encouraging free wheeling ‘ad lib’ play because they have naturally gifted athletes. However, one of the best lessons of youth sports is working together with peers to achieve great things together. You can be sure high school coaches, college coaches and employers will be looking for strong adults that can work with others. Good instruction in youth sports will prepare kids for sports and the rest of their life.

2. Experience

The right team needs to provide new experiences. Everyone needs time to ‘just play’. Just like in school, listening to lectures and reading books can fill your head with all sorts of knowledge and inspiration, but practice and experience applying that knowledge is really what makes it valuable. My favorite reminder about the goal of every practice and game is to create “more touches” for everyone. Every practice should be focused on getting everyone experience, not about listening to long lectures or directions on the latest drill, offense or scouting report.

Coaches are not there to talk, they are there to teach and improve skills. Kids can’t get better without opportunities to develop new skills, practice them and apply them in games. Every practice and game needs to keep as many kids involved as possible. Both practices and games are equally important especially for developing kids. Regardless practice or game remember, touches, touches, touches!

3. Fun

The right team needs to be fun for every player. Remind parents that no one is going to be damaged, hurt or die if players make mistakes or lose games. These are games, not surgical procedures or military operations. If coaches really want to build strong kids, they have to keep it fun. Fun mean they want to keep playing, getting better and making great memories.

Coaches and parents get kids involved in youth sports to keep them active but also we realize, as adults, it is the best way to learn how to be an adult, while having fun. Sometimes, as adults, our focus on work and effort mask the real purpose and benefit of sports at any age: leisure, recreation and FUN!

Summary

The challenge in youth sports today is to keep focused on the most important lessons they need to learn. The value is not in the destination, but in the journey. Youth sports experience will provide the mini lessons they will apply the rest of their lives, but only if coaches and parents keep their focus on the right things: Instruction, Experience and Fun.

PlayMyKid.com is focused on making sure that coaches and parents work together to provide the best experience for all kids. We want you you share your thoughts about the most important qualities in the right team and consider joining our community to share ideas, strategies and experiences to keep youth sports one of the most valuable interpersonal development experience for kids. Please leave a comment and join our mailing list to learn more about our community and get a free guide to parent meetings.

3 Signs of a Winning Coach

August 21, 2016 by Michelle Rheaume Leave a Comment

How do you decide if your child had a good season? Is it the number of wins? How many losses? Or do you keep track of how many times your child plays and compare it to another child and their play time? There are three things I look for and determine whether or not I feel like my child had a great season.

IMPROVEMENT

1. Did they become a better player? This is one of my favorite things to see happen over the course of six to twelve weeks(depending on the sport). Watching my child improve as an individual is key to a successful season. To see them successfully make a play, field the ball, make a bounce pass, hit the ball, make a basket, strike out swinging, go for the layup, cheer on the teammate that just struck out or give a high five to a friend that just made a free throw. These are all things I look for that will improve my child’s sports career. Seeing them improve as an individual and as a teammate are proving to me that they had a successful season. Sometimes it’s more than wins and losses. I want my child to grow as an athlete, which can be anything like trying to make a basket or throwing a no hitter. Having a successful season to me is watching them improve throughout the season, there will be ups and downs, and learning to deal with those emotions and coming out on a positive note is key.

FUN

2. Did you have fun? This is huge in my opinion. Not just having fun chatting with your friends, telling the latest knock-knock jokes on the bench kind of fun, all that and more. Meeting new kids and coaches, connecting with them on and off the field. Getting to know their teammates and coaches, and being able to communicate with them. This is one of my favorite things to witness, new friendships forming. The kids might not realize it yet, but this is one of the best part of being on a team. These individuals
are going to work together as a team, have good moments and bad. Question is did you come out of this experience as a better player? Or maybe more importantly a better person.

RESPECT

3. Is your Coach someone you can look up to? This can be tricky to answer on so many levels. I am not an expert, I can only speak from my experience and what my kids have experienced. This is a truly coming from the heart, I want my child to look to their coach as someone they have respect for and enjoy playing for. This has such an impact on them as to wether or not they will have a successful season.(And reality is it will stick with them for many years to come!) I’ve seen some incredible adults out on the court or field coaching, and I could not be happier that my child gets to have that experience. I’ve also seen it go the other way, disappointed that this is who my child is learning from and seeing it turn into a negative experience. I’m not looking for the perfect coach because we are all human. I don’t expect perfection from anyone. I just want them to love what they are doing, if the coach is having fun and can teach the kids to be a better player than that’s a win in my book any day. After all, sometimes its not about wether you win or lose, its how you play the game. Learning how to play the game and how to be a good teammate can mean you had a successful season, sometimes its just hard to see that.