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Basketball Never Stops

July 28, 2016 by Michelle Rheaume Leave a Comment

“Basketball Never Stops” is printed on a couple t-shirts in our house. It’s kinda funny, and yet its true.

Once upon a time, basketball was just a winter sport for our kids. Here in Michigan, it was something for kids to do indoors while there is snow outside. It’s a good form of exercise, and a good hobby for them.

Now, our family is entering into our fifteenth consecutive year participating in basketball. My oldest started playing in kindergarten and continued all the way through high school, and his two brothers started the same track. So, during the winter months, we usually had three basketball schedules to enjoy.

And then came the travel ball, also known as AAU. His friends were doing it so why shouldn’t he? I mean if he’s going to have a chance to play in high school then he should be playing as much as he can, Right?

Wrong!

I actually said no to travel ball for my son. I told him he had to be of a certain age before we commit to just one sport all year round.

I was a lonely parent because felt I needed to raise a well rounded athlete. I wanted to raise an athlete that would learn about other sports and new teammates.

With each season there was a different sport, and over time it was clear his passion was basketball. And it wasn’t until then that he was allowed to play on a travel team.

Variety

I was glad that he was exposed to different sports, and was able to have those experiences at a young age. It can be difficult to say “no” to your kid, but don’t we all want what is best for our kids? I know I do, and I know not everyone agrees with my way of thinking. That’s ok, after all we just want what’s best for our family.

Nevertheless, I have come to the realization that basketball never stops in my house. It’s on the tv all the time, even if it’s not during the season you can find it on some sport channel playing the NBA finals from 1994. It’s in my driveway during all four seasons, there is always someone bouncing a ball and shooting it for a buzzer beater. Throwing away a napkin, and tossing it like its the tie breaker. Some of these skills they learned from a coach, others just because they love the game. You see basketball never stops in my house, and I love it!

Why do parents get frustrated with coaches?

July 24, 2016 by Michelle Rheaume Leave a Comment

If I were to say I never complained about a coach then my nose would grow a few inches. However, there are some coaches I would never say anything negative about. Those coaches really are out there for the good of the team and players. Then there are the ‘other’ coaches, the ones I dread coming face to face with for fear that I might say the wrong thing or blow up in their face. I can come up with many reasons why I might get upset with a coach. I mean, really, why on earth did they call for that play? Why did they choose that kid? Why isn’t my kid playing? Why is he yelling at the officials again?

It really isn’t too difficult to disagree with coaches, especially if you don’t understand why they are making WhyParentsGetFrustrated some decisions. When an adult makes a decision you don’t agree with you assume they are wrong, that they clearly don’t know what they are doing. We all can admit that happens to us, and then realize what the coach was thinking but the players simply made an error. Sometime you see they were trying to accomplish a particular play and to my surprise it actually worked.

Running a team and being responsible for every play can be difficult, especially when you are incorporating 10-15 kids into the team and trying to make sure they all get to play. (This is speaking to the younger athletes, before high school.) These coaches put themselves out there and try to accomplish one thing, a winning season. My philosophy is a little different, I prefer to develop a well rounded player first. The wins will come later in time.

I’m reminded of the youth sports reminders from your child which ends with:

No scholarships will be handed out today.

Coaching by definition is the person responsible for managing or training a person or team. (Not the parents.) It’s not easy. Period. Are there some people meant to do it? Absolutely. Are there some people not capable of coaching? Absolutely. Not every person is perfect, and they are going to make mistakes. After all, we are all humans. Our best learning comes from mistakes, only then we learn what doesn’t work and gradually become a more experienced person.

The next time you are getting upset with the coach during your child’s game, try to imagine yourself in their role. You might have all the answers in your head at that moment, in the bleachers, sipping your drink, but the coach, in the dugout with 12 others players, repeating the line up for the third time and hoping that the next child up to bat just doesn’t get hit with the ball at the plate this time. The coach isn’t thinking about what the parents are doing in the bleachers, or concerned that they will not approve of their choices, they are just trying to get through the game. Their mission on game day is to get everyone a chance to bat, experience different positions and most importantly, have fun. That is my definition of the coach I want for my kids. The coach who is out there for the good of the kids, not worried about winning every game. After all, isn’t this all for the kids?

4 Steps of Managing Helicopter Parents

July 24, 2016 by Kurt Leave a Comment

There are dozens of stories you hear every year about helicopter parents who are so concerned for their kids, they seem to be there with a pillow every time they could be falling. While that is not literally the case, it feels like some parents can’t let their kids fail for fear they will experience some pain. However, we can all recall the most formative times in our lives are the most challenging.

Coaches need to be able to challenge their players for them to grow. That usually means they are likely to fail a few times. Most coaches are trying to stretch players and accept failure as part of the process. On the other hand helicopter parents can influence coaches which ironically limits the child’s growth. As a coach, you need to manage the situation if the players are to improve under your watch.

I’m going to share four steps of managing helicopter parents on your team.

1. Identify – Identifying helicopter parents ahead of time may not be as obvious as it seems. While there will be some that will be there each and every day. The key factor is the focus and attention of the parent. Some just like to watch their kids play and are clearly would not be considered a helicopter parent. They are typically sitting quietly and possibly engaging in small talk with you during breaks.

Whereas the helicopter parent is watching just their kids, shouting or whispering tips just to their daughter or son. They are watching every play and action, ready to correct as soon as they make a mistake. Likewise, it won’t take long before the player will be paralyzed during play trying to please their parent by doing everything “right”. These players eventually become robots because they are just trying to follow directions. Robots, like the tin-man, don’t have any heart. Coaches need players who can play and kids can’t play unless they have their heart in the game ready to learn.

2. Establish Your role – Now that you’ve identified there is a helicopter parent on your team, you have to remind yourself that your role is to have a positive impact for the kids. That also implies you need to accept that your responsibility to make it clear to the parent and player that, during practices and games the coaches are in charge. Parents need to trust you as a coach that your job is to make them better. Set the tone early in the season and make it clear for all parents that coaching from the sideline is not acceptable.

One of the best sentences I’ve stolen from anther coach is, “Parents need to know that, while it may not seem like it at home, they hear you in the stands over anything the coaches yell.” Coaches need to be the only voice they hear except cheering and support.

3. Addressing parents – Aside from establishing your role as the coach, you may have to address a parent directly regarding their impact on their child’s growth. You don’t need to be aggressive nor rude. However, you do need to describe what you observed, how it impacted the situation and what they can do instead. We can break this down deeper at another time, but the key thing is not to wait until there have been too many incidents. Ignoring it will not make it go away. In fact, it will just get worse. When you do finally talk with the parent they will be thinking, “I just crossed the line once, it will never happen again.” In fact, you probably wait until you couldn’t take it any more or the other parents ask you to speak up. Unfortunately, that can be too late if you want to change the parent’s behavior and make the season a positive experience for the player. As the coach you may get the blame because you didn’t get along with the parent. That may not be fair, but just like in competition, it is not always fair. However, if you really want to be a great coach, you have to be willing do your part to improve youth sports. It IS your role point out the counter-productive behavior.

4. Addressing players – In my experience, players are in the toughest position because they love their parents and want to please them. Depending on the age group, they may not have matured enough to appreciate the need for risk with the potential for failure. I happen to think this is the greatest lesson that youth sports provides, coping with failure. As the coach, your role is to convince the player that failure and disappointment are good, because it’s the only way to learn. The disappointment they feel in failure shows they care.

Addressing players with helicopter parents can be a bit touchy. You certainly don’t want to create any tension at home and insulting their parents won’t help your relationships either. My recommendation is to confirm they heard their parents and remind the player their parents love them so much, “they want you to succeed”. Then remind them you want them to succeed too and they need to get better by trying new experiences. However, remind them hey should be listening to coaches because the coaches have a bigger picture of the season, the team, the plays and their improvement as a player.

Explain to the player that you are going to talk with their parents to make sure they understand the confusion it creates and makes everyone look silly. Let them know it’s okay to tell their parents, “I think you should talk with my coach because I’m not sure who to pay attention to during games. I’m confused and I don’t want to disappoint anyone.”

These are some very high level steps to dealing with parents. Look for more details to come soon.

Why Should I Volunteer to Coach?

July 17, 2016 by Michelle Rheaume Leave a Comment

This is probably something a lot of parents will ask themselves at least once in their child’s sports career. I can personally say it comes up every year in my mind. You go to fill out the forms for your child’s registration and there’s that one box at the bottom of the paper that’s says “check this box if you are interested in volunteering to coach.” Why do so many of us just ignore it? Surprisingly most of us will judge the coaches at some point during the season, and everything they are doing wrong. So why don’t we just take charge and do it our way, or the right way.

WhyMe

Here are my top three reasons why parents don’t volunteer to coach….

1. They just don’t have the time. Being responsible for a team takes a lot of your “free time”. You are committed to the time frame of your season, you need to be there early when the athletes get dropped off and stay late when their ride to pick them up is running behind. It takes time to plan out a practice, reschedule a game, make sure you have enough kids to play and keep a large number of kids under watch. And yet, some parents will find the time, rearrange their work schedule and do whatever it takes to coach the team.

2. I don’t know much about that sport. This can be daunting to many parents, especially if they were never involved in sports as a child. There are so many online ideas/courses that can help anyone coach a team. The resources are out there, we just need to do our homework and search for them. It can be tough filling your ninety minute practice with enough drills or activities, but after the first couple of days it is much easier to figure out what the kids are capable of and what needs to be worked on. I’ll even admit that it took our first game to see where work was needed, so the next practice was spent in our weakness. It’s such a learning process for the athletes and the coach.

3. Why on earth would I put myself out there and have to deal with those parents? This is one of my biggest fears, dealing with that one parent. The one that approaches you and tells you all the things you did wrong. That one parent that complains the whole game from the bleachers and yells it out for all to hear. The one who wants their kid to play a new position even though their child came late to the game and missed practice. It’s a shame that some adults can act in such a way that makes you question, is it really worth it to be here and coach? Thankfully the positive parents outnumber the bad ones, and will even put them in their place from time to time. It’s good to know at the end of the day you have a great group of supporters that will stand up for you. And at the end of the day you realize it really is worth it, because Susie came up to you after the game and said, “That game was a lot of fun!”

Our Mission

July 17, 2016 by Kurt Leave a Comment

The mission of this site is to transform the relationship between coaches and parents in youth sports.

I have heard far too many frustrations from both parents about coaches and conversely coaches struggling with ‘difficult parents’. In almost every situation, they are both right… to a degree. The mission of PlayMyKid.com is to help coaches team with parents to build strong kids. Strong kids will become strong and successful adults.

They both have a goal in mind:

Coaches want more prepared kids that are always ready to compete.
Parents want to see their kids play and which implies prepared kids.
Both need to hold the kid accountable together as a team.

They both want the kids to be better:

Coaches always need more talent, but are juggling too many challenges to properly prepare the kids.
Parents want to see their kids succeed and have fun, but seeing them on the bench on game day is frustrating.
They are both proud of the success.
They each need to adapt their support when responding to failure.

Clearly, both coaches and parents want to develop kids to be stronger athletically, socially and mentally.

The real challenge is for youth coaches to partner with parents to make sure both are taking steps to meet everyone’s goals. Coaches need work closer with parents to better manage expectations. Parents need to see coaches have everyone’s best interest in mind. They want to trust the coach, but coaches need to adapt to parents, not just players.

This PlayMyKid.com provides the resources, tools and advice for coaches meet that challenge. We provide the tools, strategies and advice for coaches to lead players and parents toward a much more enjoyable experience.