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The Right Team

August 28, 2016 by Kurt 1 Comment

Every year parents and players have to make choices. Choices about which program to join; coaches to seek out; even which sports to play. There are so many sports, clubs and school groups there is no way to do them all.

The competition for participants and specialization have forced organizers to get commitments sooner and sooner in the annual cycle. In some cases kids are forced to make a year round commitments that impact, if not eliminate, other activities.

Over the years, we have been faced with this challenge with our own kids. We’ve even commiserated with friends about the pros and cons of each choice. Usually we distill the hours of pondering, prognostication and prediction down to a choice between “competitive” option versus a “developmental” option.

“Competitive” options seem to imply a program focused on winning as many games as possible and no guarantee of equal playing time. They schedule game after game and have relatively few practices (if any). The translation, simply making the team proves you are talented.

“Developmental” options seem to imply a program that enforces equality of playing time, regardless of talent. They schedule fewer games and work with kids on skill development in practices. The implication is that everyone will make the team and talented players won’t be pushed enough to develop further.

When parents find themselves debating between one of the two choices, is usually a false dilemma. In reality neither option is a good fit. You are trying to identify which values, competition or development, you are willing to compromise. Although many choose the competitive route because of the prestige implied in the talent level.

The ideal scenario that includes both the right level of competition and player development may be extremely rare. So, how can you as a coach transcend the dichotomy and become an all-star coach?

If coaches keep parents focused on the things that really matter in youth sports, you will be the right coach and right team. They will know you and your team is the best youth sports experience for them if you show you are committed to the following three things:

1. Instruction

The right team needs to include instruction. Youth players need guidance on proper technique. They need to build the proper mechanics, speed, strength and coordination to make sure they don’t injury themselves or create other issues due to repetitive stress. They need a solid understanding and good feel for the motor skills and strength conditioning required in every sport they play.

Similarly they need to understand the strategies of the sport. This typically means preset offensive and defensive plays that require team work and following directions. Some programs appear successful by encouraging free wheeling ‘ad lib’ play because they have naturally gifted athletes. However, one of the best lessons of youth sports is working together with peers to achieve great things together. You can be sure high school coaches, college coaches and employers will be looking for strong adults that can work with others. Good instruction in youth sports will prepare kids for sports and the rest of their life.

2. Experience

The right team needs to provide new experiences. Everyone needs time to ‘just play’. Just like in school, listening to lectures and reading books can fill your head with all sorts of knowledge and inspiration, but practice and experience applying that knowledge is really what makes it valuable. My favorite reminder about the goal of every practice and game is to create “more touches” for everyone. Every practice should be focused on getting everyone experience, not about listening to long lectures or directions on the latest drill, offense or scouting report.

Coaches are not there to talk, they are there to teach and improve skills. Kids can’t get better without opportunities to develop new skills, practice them and apply them in games. Every practice and game needs to keep as many kids involved as possible. Both practices and games are equally important especially for developing kids. Regardless practice or game remember, touches, touches, touches!

3. Fun

The right team needs to be fun for every player. Remind parents that no one is going to be damaged, hurt or die if players make mistakes or lose games. These are games, not surgical procedures or military operations. If coaches really want to build strong kids, they have to keep it fun. Fun mean they want to keep playing, getting better and making great memories.

Coaches and parents get kids involved in youth sports to keep them active but also we realize, as adults, it is the best way to learn how to be an adult, while having fun. Sometimes, as adults, our focus on work and effort mask the real purpose and benefit of sports at any age: leisure, recreation and FUN!

Summary

The challenge in youth sports today is to keep focused on the most important lessons they need to learn. The value is not in the destination, but in the journey. Youth sports experience will provide the mini lessons they will apply the rest of their lives, but only if coaches and parents keep their focus on the right things: Instruction, Experience and Fun.

PlayMyKid.com is focused on making sure that coaches and parents work together to provide the best experience for all kids. We want you you share your thoughts about the most important qualities in the right team and consider joining our community to share ideas, strategies and experiences to keep youth sports one of the most valuable interpersonal development experience for kids. Please leave a comment and join our mailing list to learn more about our community and get a free guide to parent meetings.

3 Signs of a Winning Coach

August 21, 2016 by Michelle Rheaume Leave a Comment

How do you decide if your child had a good season? Is it the number of wins? How many losses? Or do you keep track of how many times your child plays and compare it to another child and their play time? There are three things I look for and determine whether or not I feel like my child had a great season.

IMPROVEMENT

1. Did they become a better player? This is one of my favorite things to see happen over the course of six to twelve weeks(depending on the sport). Watching my child improve as an individual is key to a successful season. To see them successfully make a play, field the ball, make a bounce pass, hit the ball, make a basket, strike out swinging, go for the layup, cheer on the teammate that just struck out or give a high five to a friend that just made a free throw. These are all things I look for that will improve my child’s sports career. Seeing them improve as an individual and as a teammate are proving to me that they had a successful season. Sometimes it’s more than wins and losses. I want my child to grow as an athlete, which can be anything like trying to make a basket or throwing a no hitter. Having a successful season to me is watching them improve throughout the season, there will be ups and downs, and learning to deal with those emotions and coming out on a positive note is key.

FUN

2. Did you have fun? This is huge in my opinion. Not just having fun chatting with your friends, telling the latest knock-knock jokes on the bench kind of fun, all that and more. Meeting new kids and coaches, connecting with them on and off the field. Getting to know their teammates and coaches, and being able to communicate with them. This is one of my favorite things to witness, new friendships forming. The kids might not realize it yet, but this is one of the best part of being on a team. These individuals
are going to work together as a team, have good moments and bad. Question is did you come out of this experience as a better player? Or maybe more importantly a better person.

RESPECT

3. Is your Coach someone you can look up to? This can be tricky to answer on so many levels. I am not an expert, I can only speak from my experience and what my kids have experienced. This is a truly coming from the heart, I want my child to look to their coach as someone they have respect for and enjoy playing for. This has such an impact on them as to wether or not they will have a successful season.(And reality is it will stick with them for many years to come!) I’ve seen some incredible adults out on the court or field coaching, and I could not be happier that my child gets to have that experience. I’ve also seen it go the other way, disappointed that this is who my child is learning from and seeing it turn into a negative experience. I’m not looking for the perfect coach because we are all human. I don’t expect perfection from anyone. I just want them to love what they are doing, if the coach is having fun and can teach the kids to be a better player than that’s a win in my book any day. After all, sometimes its not about wether you win or lose, its how you play the game. Learning how to play the game and how to be a good teammate can mean you had a successful season, sometimes its just hard to see that.

Watching the Olympics, family bonding moment.

August 15, 2016 by Michelle Rheaume Leave a Comment

The Olympics have finally started, all the hype and talk about it is here and so far they are beyond my expectations.

Usually at this point in the summer I am yelling at my kids to turn off the television, but not for these two weeks. This is the one time during the year that I will allow the TV to be on all day long.

In fact, I’ll be the one turning it on, and searching the guides for any sport and any competitor. This is the one time every four years we get to watch and learn about all the different sports we never get to see.

I am amazed by all people from all over the world who will come together to compete. These athletes have been training for years, or their whole lives. They put everything else in their life aside and train for the olympics once every four years.

I am in awe of these athletes. I have so much respect for them and their families, I cheer for all of them. I get tears in my eyes when someone falls, or gets hurt. I get tears when they stand on that podium and their national anthem is playing. My kids look at me like I’m nuts, “Mom, are you crying?”

I explain to them that I am so proud of these athletes, for everything they stand for. Just knowing how much work they put into it and how far they have come. All the blood, sweat and tears they have put into their sport. All the dinners they missed with their families, or school events or a birthday parties. Many had to move out of state to train with the best coaches or facilities, separated from their family.

All their hard work and dedication comes down to these two weeks. Everything they have worked so hard for will be put to the test, right here, right now. In another country in front of millions of people to see… no pressure!

These athletes are all winners in my book, they are the best in the world. I love that my kids love to watch them as much as I do. I love that we can all sit around the TV in our family room with our eyes glued to a tennis match, or rowing, or the four hour bike race that is down to the last 2 kilometers. Four hours on a bike racing? That would only happen during the Olympics! The most we ride is thirty minutes, and we usually break halfway through for a slush!

My kids love watching and learning about all these different sports. There really is more to life than baseball, softball, basketball or volleyball. (I can’t believe I will admit that.)

The realization there are so many more options in the world of sports is humbling as an athlete, a coach and parent. It makes me realize that diversity in sports is human, universal and global.

Keeping Kids Involved

August 7, 2016 by Kurt Leave a Comment

I know many coaches that see the success of other teams and immediately start the comparisons. What did that coach do but I didn’t? How can I do the same drills? How can I get the same level of player? Unfortunately, these are pitfalls for youth coaches that measure their value only by the result. The implication is that success can be repeated if you simply apply the same formula as if it is a recipe.

That thinking is an extension of the rampant commentary about professional sports. You can pick the team or sport, but at the highest levels of competition there are thousands of people who love to share their opinion about how their favorite team, “just needs” that last piece of the puzzle and they’ll have a chance.

Similarly, the US Olympic trials just finished and the level competition for each sport to select the best athletes in the country is just awesome. I can’t help but have tons of empathy for those who just missed the cut. I know each one of them has been committed and dedicated to their training for years. Yet, they will likely have to stay home and cheer, like most Americans.

Player Inspiration

On the other hand, while they didn’t make it this time, most will have other chances to compete. Some day, they will look back on the dedication and time spent training and ask, “Was it all worth it?”

I like to think that answer is a resounding “YES” because I assume any athlete is really only competing at that level when they love the sport. While the most talented and dedicated athletes will earn the most awards and attract the most attention, as they rightly should. I also believe you can’t achieve that level of success unless you love the sport.

That love of the game is something any athlete at any level can relate to. Many of us had moments watching the best professional or olympian perform at such a high level we were inspired.

I can remember being inspired by basketball players at all levels. I remember telling myself two thing as I watched, “That looks like fun!” and “I think I can do that someday!” Those moments were inspiring because I just knew it was possible with enough work.

I have to admit that some of the things that inspired me, I was never able to reproduce. However, there were many skills I improved well enough to enjoy playing the game. In retrospect, the lessons I learned along the way have shaped me as an adult.

Although, I was never fixated on being a championship at any level, but I was focused on being the best player I could be. That commitment, effort and self determination taught me many life lessons much bigger than basketball. It taught me lessons through both success and failure that has given me what I think is the right balance of confidence and humility in everything I do.

Coaching Inspiration

I think many coaches initially start coaching youth sports because they believe, “I can take what I experienced as player, apply the parts I enjoyed, and subtract the parts I hated and players will have an even better experience than I had.”

This is the mindset of most first time coaches, until they start to get competitive or see kids get discouraged from embarrassing losses. They quickly realize the diverse player talent, difficult player personalities and demanding parents make this a much more difficult task.

Now, they are faced with talented kids who want to “be challenged” and the parents who want to win more games. On the other end of the spectrum are the players who just want “more playing time”.

Parental Inspiration – Keep Kids Involved

The most important thing for any coach to keep in their mind is the original purpose for youth sports. Any youth sports program exists to serve kids not coaches or parents. Their purpose is to create the best experience for every player, not just the most talented. The program does not exist to serve the coach, build a resume or land a new job. It exists to serve the kids.

Any youth sports program exists to serve kids not coaches or parents.

Clearly parents really want to see their kids play and have fun. They want to see their kids embrace something they love and get opportunities to succeed. Parents want to keep kids involved. Its usually not about the scholarship or fame.

Parents want to keep kids involved. Its usually not about the scholarship or fame.

In most cases, they will be there to support the player and the coach that provided the opportunity because the coach is showing trust in the player and the coach is honoring the trust the parent placed with the coach to treat their child fairly.

These days, parents’ have heard enough stories about kids who, for various reasons, really cannot fully participate in sports or other activities. However, for those kids that don’t have such limitations, parents want to keep their kids active because some day they may not be able to play due to age, health or some other unforeseen reason. I’m reminded of the adage, “Youth is wasted on the young.”

Win or lose, take them out for ice cream.

July 31, 2016 by Michelle Rheaume 2 Comments

After a big game it’s not unusual for the coach to say, “Let’s go celebrate and get ice cream!” But have you ever celebrated after a big loss? After the game where you felt like it was a scene from the bad news bears? One error led to another,which led to another and it felt like eternity to get that third out? That game where just a few kids hit the ball and the rest struck out. This is when you need to step back and find the positives in that game. Look at the athletes and see how they handled the loss, are they discouraged because they had a bad game? Or can they say that they tried their best, and there’s always next time.

This is a huge challenge for coaches. Trying to focus on the positive instead of the negative. Reminding the kids that if they gave it their all, and didn’t give up, then it was a well played game.

Too many kids get discouraged after making an error which, without the right support, leads to more errors. This is when I really need to encourage them, remind them that they can do it. “Shake it off, good try, get ready for the next play.” There will always be another play. There will always be another chance to hit. Their career isn’t ending after the game, that’s part of the joy, their sport career is just beginning. They already know there was a mistake, they need to know mistakes are part of the process.

We can all picture the scene, a child strikes out and it can be so disappointing, head hung low, kicking the dirt back to the dugout. You can see it coming, they want to throw their bat and helmet, so frustrated with the strikeout they feel the need to express their anger. This is where I step in try to put all that negativity away, remind them that they gave it a great effort. This time it didn’t work out, but they tried and gave it their all. And guess what, you will get another try at hitting the ball! There will always be another chance at fielding that ground ball or catching that pop up. Sometimes the challenge is making them believe in themselves. Only then, can they truly turn failure into growth.

They need to be reminded, “this is a learning experience, if you make a mistake then what did you learn from it?” This is where we grow both as coaches and players. Winning is fun, I mean, who doesn’t want to win the game? But there is a lot to learn from losing a game, this is when coaches and players can (and should) grow. These are the time we realize what we need to work on as a team or individual player. It’s when we lose we strive to be a better player and work harder to get that win.

Winning is great and gives you a great reason to celebrate, however losing the game isn’t a reason to be sad. I will often tell my players, and I’m sure we’ve heard the cliche before, “it really doesn’t matter if we win or lose, it’s how we play the game”. Did we give it our all? Did we try and encourage our teammates? If the answer is yes then it’s a win my book, if each player can honestly say they gave it their all and tried their hardest then that’s all that matters.

The pain of a loss should fuel coaches and players during practices. Games are important as a relative test, but there are very few individual games that will have a real and lasting impact on your life, win or lose. You will get another chance, there will be another game…win or lose though, you should always take them out for ice cream!